Your frame of reference is going to be different than anyone else's. Even someone who's gone through a similar experience to you is going to be influenced by it in a different way.
Two people who have lost their fathers might share that experience, but the events surrounding the deaths might differ. Even if they died of the exact same thing, the unique events in each person's life are going to influence how they react to the death and how they cope with it.
Frame of reference also influences how we learn.
My mom is an avid rider. She has been riding for years, training in different disciplines over the years. Currently, she goes trail riding in the mountains but also is learning the events specific to the APHA shows.
Years ago she rode dressage. Now she's doing a style of riding completely different than dressage. It's a different type of saddle, a different type of gait and vastly different signals.
She's really struggled with some things. And I know it was frustrating for a while. But the other day her trainer said one thing to her. The reference her trainer made came from the dressage world. And suddenly this thing my mom had been struggling with for so long clicked.
It was all in her frame of reference. Comparing two things from two different realms, one which my mom was deeply familiar with and one which was new to her, made it work.
Are your characters in need of struggling more to understand one another? Try putting more distance between their frames of reference. That "Aha!" moment will come when your characters are able to bridge that distance and come to a mutual understanding of the other's frame of reference.
Frame of reference can also be a point of great romantic tension and "Awww" inducing moments. Are you struggling to make the romance believable? Try having your character's love interest suddenly show an interest in understanding the character's frame of reference.
"You've Got Mail" is a prime example of this. The female lead goes on and on about Austen's Pride and Prejudice. Later, we get a scene showing the male lead trying to read the book. And later, as we near the true turning point in the story, the male lead makes a P&P reference, but in a glib way. And then, after the turning point, he does the same, but not glibly. he's come to care, to understand. It's a great way of showing that tension building toward its release.
Have you thought about your characters' frames of reference? They can be as simple as their interests or as deep as the events which have shaped their life to what it currently is.