Five years from now, are you going to be happy with your life if you keep going the way you are going?
I've been working on the same bleep story for a year. A year people! Yes, I have learned tons in the process, including scraping about 14000 words in search of some characters and the real beginning of the story. And yes, I know that many people write for four years before they break through. And yes, I know that this is the same as a college education and I know a LOT about college educations because I went back three times, completing a program each time (Bachelor's in English, teaching certification, Masters of Education).
So why am I beating the crap out of myself?
Because I know I can do better. Because I have the voice in my head that is telling me that I have a bleepin' good story, that I'm a good writer, that I really truly deep down in the quiet parts of my soul believe I have what it takes to have success at this thing that I love and makes me angry and frustrated and giddy and everything.
I've cut my TV viewing and subscriptions. I'm saying no to the things that shouldn't have a place in my life. But I'm wasting time and I know it and I justify it through *I'm tired* and *my foot hurts* and a dozen other weak excuses that are pathetic in my head and pathetic when I tell them to myself (can you tell I'm a football coach's daughter?).
So what? I'm at the point in my writing life like in the various karate movies, where the hero has been training, but still can't beat the master and decides to quit but the reality is that thing which is bugging them has become so much of their life that they can't imagine not finishing it off, completing the task they set out to do. I'm at the point where I need to look at myself in the mirror and really promise myself that I will live up to my own perceived potential. I need to show myself that I'm not a flake, that I really want this, and that I can get it done.
Because, unlike the karate movies, the villain isn't a bully who is trying to beat me down.
If I'm not careful, the villain is me.
I'm a teacher, mom, wife and writer. I love owls and run on Diet Coke, cinnamon bears and words.