Five years from now, are you going to be happy with your life if you keep going the way you are going?
I won't.
I've been working on the same bleep story for a year. A year people! Yes, I have learned tons in the process, including scraping about 14000 words in search of some characters and the real beginning of the story. And yes, I know that many people write for four years before they break through. And yes, I know that this is the same as a college education and I know a LOT about college educations because I went back three times, completing a program each time (Bachelor's in English, teaching certification, Masters of Education).
So why am I beating the crap out of myself?
Because I know I can do better. Because I have the voice in my head that is telling me that I have a bleepin' good story, that I'm a good writer, that I really truly deep down in the quiet parts of my soul believe I have what it takes to have success at this thing that I love and makes me angry and frustrated and giddy and everything.
I've cut my TV viewing and subscriptions. I'm saying no to the things that shouldn't have a place in my life. But I'm wasting time and I know it and I justify it through *I'm tired* and *my foot hurts* and a dozen other weak excuses that are pathetic in my head and pathetic when I tell them to myself (can you tell I'm a football coach's daughter?).
So what? I'm at the point in my writing life like in the various karate movies, where the hero has been training, but still can't beat the master and decides to quit but the reality is that thing which is bugging them has become so much of their life that they can't imagine not finishing it off, completing the task they set out to do. I'm at the point where I need to look at myself in the mirror and really promise myself that I will live up to my own perceived potential. I need to show myself that I'm not a flake, that I really want this, and that I can get it done.
Because, unlike the karate movies, the villain isn't a bully who is trying to beat me down.
If I'm not careful, the villain is me.
Tasha Seegmiller
I'm a teacher, mom, wife and writer. I love owls and run on Diet Coke, cinnamon bears and words.
I have work the same novel for almost 3 years now. It's my first attempt at writing and I have been learning the craft along the way, so I don't see this as me getting in my own way. Now I can see the light at the end of the tunnel of this story, and I'm so excited to get it out to other to see if all the studying will have been worth it, but I'm also terrified they wont like it. I'll give it my best though, and trudge on. Great Post to wake up to this morning Tasha!I hope you finally tackle your story :)
ReplyDeleteOoh, I love that last line. Isn't that true for all aspects of our lives? Sometimes we are our own worst enemies and we have to get out of our own dang way. Good for you for recognizing you don't want to be bullied by time and inconvenience! You're a writer, and so you deserve to write!
ReplyDeleteYou totally just describe me! I have been working on perfecting my first book for over five years now, and have often felt like this mess just isn't worth it. Thanks for the reminder to not get in my own way, or be my villain!
ReplyDeleteThat's a very frustrating place to be in, but like the movie, if you just keep trying there will be a breakthrough...eventually!
ReplyDeleteYou can do it, Tasha! Beat back that bully of a villain.
ReplyDeleteGreat post, Tasha! You're so right about having to be careful not to be our own villain!
ReplyDeleteTasha, I WUV this post! At least you are aware of all the things that are stopping you. And you better not be the villain, cuz you're my hero!
ReplyDeleteI think I'm my own villain, too... working on that right now!
ReplyDeleteIt can take a long time to get to that point, where you're really serious. It's so easy to avoid doing it! I think you've definitely got what it takes!
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